Bruce Giovando

If someone told me the Galactic Empire™ was beat by a bunch of hairy dwarfed forest people wielding wooden spears I’d spit in their face. My Zooey Deschanel celebrity crush seems equally as unlikely to happen as the Ewoks™ beating the Empire but if I’ve learned anything from their struggle it’s that suits made from old ibooks can’t withstand the slightest blow from a rock or wood stick. Well that, and one must endure against all odds. I won’t condone throwing sticks and rocks at celebrities, shiny white plastic shell or not. But the “enduring against all odds” approach seems sufficient, not withstanding restraining orders, law enforcement agencies and people whose compi (plural for compasses) bear towards socially acceptable behaviour.

Luckily the internet is like CERNs ATLAS electromagnet to moral compi everywhere. It allows us to reach a level of social acceptability comparable to living as a beatnik circa 1960. It is then, okay, under the shroud of internet anonymity, to embrace fan pages, Photoshoped nudes and gossip so juicy it’d make the hawaiian punch guy comb his hair and get a 9-5.

PS – Merry nondenominational consumerism holiday season to you all!